Beta males, the second of the six male personality types, are often seen as men who are subordinate to alphas. They embody traits that many men perceive as “weak” or “feminine.” In truth, beta males are no less valid than alpha males. They simply possess different traits and attitudes regarding how they live their lives.
When it comes to relationships in particular, what distinguishes betas from alphas is their ability to listen to their partner and pay close attention to their needs. Their reservation and approachability make them generally more empathic.
If you’re keen on learning whether or not you’re a beta male — or if you happen to be interested in knowing if the person you’re dating is a beta male — then be sure to read on!
What is a Beta Male?
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You’ve likely heard of the term “alpha male” and “beta male” before and how they’re used to describe different types of men. Though there are six prominent male personality types, the two that exist on top of this supposed hierarchy are the alphas and the betas—the aggressive and confrontational alphas battle for dominance at the top. The more relaxed and even-tempered betas sit loftily in the space below them, content with their position.
Typically, beta males are seen as more submissive, friendly, and loyal when compared to their more aggressive alpha counterparts. More often than not, these people aren’t leaders by default. In most cases, betas will find themselves shying away from the spotlight and encouraging others to speak and open up.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that betas aren’t the type to lead or have confidence. Instead, betas practice a quieter form of confidence that lets them be the best versions of themselves without necessarily putting themselves forward. Beta males dislike confrontation and asserting their will, and as a result, they often find themselves taking on the roles of mediators rather than leaders in most group dynamics.
Beta males are seen as reliable by wider society because of this. Their willingness to accommodate other people without fear of confrontation or aggression distinguishes them from alphas. Since betas aren’t the sort to pick fights and care little about social standing or competition, they can be described as easygoing. Alphas strive to be at the top of any social hierarchy and beloved by their peers. Betas, on the other hand, seldom put much weight on what other people think of them. They’re generally more open to communicating since, unlike alphas, they can take no for an answer.
Is it Bad to be a Beta Male? Common Beta Misconceptions
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Beta males might not embody the stereotypically masculine traits such as being assertive and in control, but there’s really nothing wrong with that. Society once valued alpha males for their machismo and confidence long ago. Now, it’s become increasingly apparent that notions of masculinity and being macho is slowly but steadily fading from society. People no longer shame men for not being overtly sexual or striving to become number one. There’s significantly less pressure on guys to be aggressive and always ready to fight. Society now shuns traits like these. Or at least, several social circles do.
Because of this, beta males are now on the rise — men who care little for competition and are at the peak of a made-up social hierarchy. Many would argue that this makes them inferior to their alpha counterparts, and as a result, many negative misconceptions about beta males have come about. You’ve likely seen beta male memes mocking them for being unsuccessful with women or not being “man” enough to make decisions for themselves.
Though this is true for some men, this isn’t necessarily because they are betas. Listed below are some of the most common misconceptions about beta males.
Betas are Passive and Lack Confidence
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One of the most common misconceptions is the belief that beta males generally lack the confidence that the other five male personality types have. It stems from their general lack of ambition and apparent willingness to go with the flow. Betas are seen as “yes men” because of this. Betas go with the whims of their alpha counterparts without much regard for their feelings.
This isn’t necessarily true. Confidence comes in many forms, and not all of them are overt. Some might associate confidence with being bold, brash, loud, and assertive. While this is applicable, confidence can also mean having faith in one’s abilities, being content without being beloved by all, and even being comfortable enough to remain quiet or spend some quality time away from other people.
Beta males generally avoid the spotlight — not because they aren’t likable or charming enough, but because being the center of attention is unappealing to them.
Betas Don’t Take Risks
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Another misconception is that beta males are risk-averse and prefer to play it safe. While this might be true for some men, this isn’t always the case. Alphas typically approach their problems head-on, rarely hesitating and taking the initiative. Betas don’t necessarily shy away from their problems but instead choose to take things more slowly.
You’re more likely to see a beta stopping to think and calculating the best route or option when it’s time to make big decisions. Betas don’t avoid their duties and responsibilities. They simply have another way of approaching them — one that isn’t as overt as the cocksure approach alphas have.
Betas are also more likely to consult the group rather than make decisions for everyone. This is what distinguishes them from alphas when planning and tackling problems.
Betas are Feminine
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Stereotypically “alpha” traits are seen as society’s “masculine” norm. Things like being assertive, aggressive, and driven by logic rather than emotions are all masculine. Society deems traits like being passive, emotional, and timid as “feminine.” Beta males are everything alpha males aren’t. Society perceives beta as feminine by default. While there’s nothing wrong with these typical “beta” traits, it’s important to dispel the belief that attitudes and personalities can be labeled masculine and feminine.
A man can be emotional and timid. Likewise, a woman can be aggressive and assertive. Such traits don’t necessarily make them more “masculine” or “feminine” — it just means that the boundary has blurred to the point where it might as well no longer exist. In fact, that boundary might have never even existed to begin with.
Beta Male Traits: Common Strengths
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One of the most valuable strengths a beta male possesses is their friendliness. The opposite of intimidating, betas are good at making other people feel welcome and at ease. While alphas are domineering and loud, betas are generally quieter and more comfortable with letting others speak and open up at their own pace, making them infinitely more approachable.
Betas are also confident and assured of themselves and their capabilities. Though they might not necessarily be leaders, shying away from the spotlight and generally avoiding being the center of attention, they carry a more subtle form of confidence. This likely stems from the fact that they’re content with their lives, not fighting or competing with anyone else for money, power, or adoration.
Typical beta male characteristics include their tendency to overcome their problems through careful consideration rather than tackling them head-on. They weigh their options and consult the group, making sure everyone’s on board with their decisions — a process an alpha would likely skip, prioritizing his own approach. Because of this, betas tend to be more empathetic and considerate of how their peers feel.
However, it’s arguable that the most definitive trait of a beta is its ability to go with the flow. Betas are generally very easygoing people, content with rolling with the punches. They don’t take things too seriously, and they’d rather enjoy their time rather than push themselves to be as productive as possible.
Because of their unflappable nature, it’s hard to anger them. And they’re rarely unhappy with their lives. It’s easier for them to appreciate other people and the world around them.
In summary, betas can be…
- …friendly and welcoming.
- …confident and assured.
- …easygoing and unflappable.
Beta Male Traits: Common Weaknesses
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Being kind, considerate, and easygoing aren’t necessarily weaknesses. However, there are times when it can work against a man’s favor. For instance, if a man is too timid, it gives people plenty of room to walk all over him. The beta’s kindness and desire to make others happy can be very easily taken advantage of — doubly so by the people who the beta considers friends or loved ones.
It doesn’t seem like a bad thing. But for those eager to get into the dating scene, constantly getting seen as the “nice and safe friend” by someone they’re interested in can be frustrating. To overcome this, a beta should be upfront about their feelings and communicate their interest to the people they want to date.
Another potential flaw many beta males could possess is the tendency to be passive-aggressive. While alphas are more direct and open to confrontation, betas would prefer not to draw too much attention to themselves and call someone out. Instead, they’ll make hostile remarks in passing instead of being upfront about their feelings. It could cause more problems in the long run, doing more harm than good as skirting around grievances doesn’t solve problems.
Finally, beta males also possess the tendency to be unambitious and timid. While being easily content and easygoing can be good, it can be harmful when overdone. If a man gets too complacent, he’ll find it more difficult to grow and develop — both careerwise and as a person.
In summary, betas can be…
- …easily taken advantage of.
- …passive aggressive.
- …unambitious and timid.
Beta Dating Styles: How to Know if you’re Dating a Beta Male
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In the past, men strived to be “masculine” or “macho” — idolizing specific traits and characteristics such as being physically fit, dominant and in control, and completely logical. Being in touch with your emotions, overly concerned with the wellbeing of others, and taking things slow were typically seen as unfavorable or ill-fit for men back then. Society has commonly attributed these traits to women.
There’s much debate over whether or not this masculinity exists, but there’s no denying that there are people who follow it. Some men still strive to reach and embody these traits. The concept of masculinity lingers to this day, and while it might push people to improve themselves, it can also make people worse. Aggressiveness, being overly competitive and sensitive to one’s social standing, and having a single-minded obsession with sleeping with women are all signs of what’s known as “toxic masculinity”. Alpha males commonly exhibit these traits. When it comes to dating, their partners are often seen as trophies or accessories to show off.
On the other hand, beta males are less likely to display such traits as they’re more easygoing and friendly. They are more considerate and genuinely invested in their partners as individuals, and they’re less inclined to worry about how others are doing or how others perceive them. If your partner exhibits the traits listed below, it’s likely you’re dating a beta male.
He Remembers the Little Details
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While it might seem like this is the bare minimum a man can do for their partners, there are several men who struggle to keep up with the little details. Even simple tidbits of information like their partner’s birthday, favorite genre of music, and even the different types of food you like could get lost or overlooked. It is especially common with alpha males as they will focus mostly on themselves.
Beta males, on the other hand, are eager to learn more about their partners. They’re more open to listening and hearing other people out given their more submissive nature. When it comes to dating, betas are excellent listeners, treating every word their partner says with care and attention. They’re more likely to remember offhand comments and keep them in mind.
Sex Isn’t His Top Priority
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Betas don’t see sex as the end-goal of the relationships they form with people they’re attracted to. Spending quality time with their partners means a great deal to them, and betas are more than willing to just hang out, cuddle, or chat, even if it doesn’t lead to sex. What’s important is the relationship and being able to spend time with someone they deeply love.
Bear in mind that this doesn’t necessarily mean beta men don’t like sex. They could enjoy it just as much, if not more than other men. The fact that betas are also more prone to pleasing their partners makes them more attentive in bed.
Alphas who are generally more selfish when it comes to sex tend to place their own needs and preferences above their partner’s. On the other hand, betas are more willing to help their partners enjoy the experience just as much as he does.
He is More Open to Communication
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The typical alpha male is more concerned with himself and his needs, caring little for his partner. Most of the time, alphas expect others to adjust to them rather than the other way around, meaning they seldom listen to people when they communicate their feelings. On the other hand, betas are much more likely to be open to talking on equal footing. Communication is generally easier with them as they are willing to take time out of their day to hear their partners out.
Alphas are also more likely to bottle up their feelings to save face or maintain the facade of being unflappable. It can become especially problematic as reaching them or talking honestly becomes a challenge. Several relationships can end abruptly since emotions are bottled up until they reach a boiling point. With betas, however, they are more likely to be open and upfront with grievances and problems they have with other people.
Communication is more important to beta males. Whenever they listen to their partner’s concerns, they are far more likely to take them seriously.
Helping Around the House is Nothing to Him
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What distinguishes beta males from the rest is their ability to see housework as a chore like any other. Male personality types like the alpha male or the sigma male might be less inclined to help around the house as doing so is typically seen as “a woman’s job.” Some men might be willing to perform more mundane and domestic tasks. However, these same men might also consider themselves exceptional or expect some sort of reward or special treatment for knowing how to cook and clean.
Though some might consider the term “malewife” derogatory, there’s no shame in knowing how to help around the house. Many men will audibly groan or express their discontent at having to tend to household issues. Betas will smile and nod. Knowing how to cook, clean, and perform everyday domestic duties is something that more men should do — even if some would deem such activities “feminine.”
He Gives Himself Room for Hobbies and Pastimes
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Betas are willing to take things slow and give themselves more time to enjoy things. Instead of focusing on getting ahead in life by making money and getting promotions, a beta is more likely to indulge himself in his free time.
Usually, betas tend to lean towards more creative hobbies and pastimes that give them ample room to experiment and try new things. The activities they perform in their own time could include cooking, music, writing, or making things with their hands.
Alphas typically shy away from hobbies unless they can be done competitively or used to make money, but betas are content with having no competition. Hobbies are, after all, something the beta wishes to do in his own free time, even if he doesn’t get paid, rewarded, or acknowledged for it.
Despite this, there’s no better way to make a beta happier than to show interest in whatever project they’re working on. A partner’s encouragement and genuine interest in the things they’re passionate about is more than enough to brighten their day and get them to open up a little more.
Spending Quality Time Together is Fine With Him
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Some boyfriends like to parade their partners around at social gatherings to show them off. Other boyfriends would greatly prefer to just hang out, even if it means staying at home. Betas are more likely to fit into the second category of boyfriends.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that beta males don’t like being with their partners in public, but rather they’d be perfectly content regardless of how the two of them spend their time. Beta males are generally more easygoing and adaptable, willing to go along with any plan or idea their partner might suggest.
Beta males are also more likely to commit to their partners. Unlike alphas who are content with short-term flings, betas prefer to remain with one constant partner they can invest their all into.
Iconic Beta Males in Fiction
Perhaps the best way to really hone in on what makes a beta male a beta male is to see them in action. Characters in fictional works often embody the traits and ideals of people in the real world. Beta males often translate in stories as the best friend of the protagonist. In some cases, they even become the protagonist themselves.
In the past, male protagonists were typically the alpha males — confident, physically fit, and great with women. Over the years, however, there’s been a shift towards meeker, nerdier leads who have to grow and develop into heroes instead of badasses who start off at the top.
In other words, more and more beta male characters are taking the lead roles in works of fiction. There isn’t anything wrong with that; it simply signifies a change in attitudes towards the traits society is starting to favor.
Ron Weasley
One textbook example of a beta male in fiction is Ron Weasley from the Harry Potter series. Most people only see Ron as “Harry’s best friend”. He’s someone who doesn’t make all the decisions, opting to put his faith in his companions instead. He’s prone to moments of self-doubt. Ron even goes as far as to undersell himself and his accomplishments at times. This, however, doesn’t change the fact that he was a crucial member of the team.
Ron Weasley is an underdog. He was underestimated by both his peers and himself. But at the end of the day, he is compassionate, brave, and insightful. Though he might not be the protagonist in the same way that Harry is, there’s no denying the role he plays in the lives of others. This becomes clear in the role he plays in the lives of of Harry’s and Hermione’s. His ability to keep the mood light and the atmosphere friendly was precisely what solidified the bonds between himself and Hermione in both the books and the movies.
He is willing to let Harry and even Hermione take the spotlight. Because of this, he picks up on things that the others might miss. For instance, he’s an excellent judge of character. His creativity allows him to think outside of the box. Ron is not as inclined as the others to try and become a leader, nor does he care about being the smartest student in the classroom. Ron simply wishes to spend time with the people he likes and have fun along the way — all textbook traits of a beta male.
He is also incredibly loyal to his friends, brave enough to defend them even if it means losing his life. Even if several other characters didn’t recognize it, those who mattered did. He emerged from the series with a best friend in Harry and a girlfriend and eventual wife in Hermione.
Jake Peralta
Next on the list of iconic beta males in fiction is NYPD detective Jake Peralta. From the comedy series Brooklyn Nine-Nine, the Arrogant and immature Jake is the furthest thing from your typical alpha male. This is a rarity because the series is about the police. Despite this, he stands to be one of the team’s most valuable members. Jake serves as the show’s main protagonist.
One of Jake’s most distinguishing traits is that he’s not the top dog in the precinct. He isn’t a leader. He isn’t aggressive or overly ambitious in the slightest. In fact, he is arguably one of the weakest members of the cast physically. Jake is also incredibly childish and easily distracted.
Despite all this, he stands to be one of the smartest detectives — if not the smartest detective — in the precinct. Jake has proved that he doesn’t need to be a dominant macho leader to be the hero. He even falls in love and eventually marries his fellow detective Amy Santiago.
Hercules
Hercules is a rare example of a man who remains extraordinarily humble despite his godlike strength. He opted to avoid the spotlight despite his heroic feats. His development as a hero revolved around realizing that attention and fame ultimately meant nothing. The only way for him to be recognized by the gods was to become a “true hero”. This was something that could be measured through the strength of his character and integrity.
Hercules was a scrawny boy,. Even after his training to become a hero, he still has issues with his self-esteem and anxiety. Though he manages to overcome these problems, he stood true to his roots. He remained a well-natured, mild-mannered man with a big heart. Hercules has learned many lessons throughout the film, and this is what’s led to his growth.
While initially believed that a hero’s strength stems from their muscles, he quickly learns this isn’t the case. After falling in love with Megara, he learned what it meant to be a true hero. One’s worthiness can be measured by the strength of their heart. He was willing to sacrifice himself to bring Megara back to life. This was a gesture that caused the gods to recognize him as a true hero, restoring his divinity.
And even after he became a god, he gave away his chance to ascend to Mount Olympus. Instead, he chose to live with Megara and the rest of the ordinary people.
What Does It Mean to be a Beta Male?
Beta males differ greatly from alpha males; that much is clear. There’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, more men ought to stop and take things slow every once in a while. It can get exhausting vying to be the leader and craving success. The pursuit of self-perfection can blind people from everything else around them.
Betas take things a little slower and give themselves more room to enjoy life. The lifestyle they follow is arguably healthier and more fulfilling. When it comes to dating, this means relationships are generally more enriching, dynamic, and genuine.
For those of you keen on entering the dating scene, here’s a guide on how to write a dating profile that will attract anyone.
