Breaking up with someone you love can be a difficult experience no matter how long you’ve been with the other person. Knowing how to end a relationship is one thing, but learning how to break up with someone without burning bridges is a whole other challenge. It’s not impossible, though. We’re here to help you navigate the ordeal of breaking up, especially if you’re trying to avoid any nastiness and hostility between you and your partner.
How To Know When To Break Up
Before the big breakup, there is, of course, the matter of figuring out when to actually call it quits. Knowing when it’s time for the breakup will help you figure things out. This applies to both how you can broach the subject and what you want for yourself (and the other person) later down the road. Here are some tell-tale signs that indicate it might be time for you and your partner to go your separate ways.
When the relationship feels like a chore
Your relationship should bring you a sense of safety and comfort. When it reaches a point that it no longer feels that way, your relationship may become a source of stress and anxiety instead. It should be telling enough if negativity becomes so deeply rooted in your relationship. You shouldn’t feel obligated to maintain your relationship just because of how long you’ve been with the other person either. When your relationship becomes more of an obligation than anything else, then it might be time to re-evaluate how to move forward with it.
When you’re always thinking about the better days
When you find yourself often thinking of times when your relationship was better, then that should tell you it needs to be worked on now. Similarly, waiting for when the relationship will get better can be an indication of dissatisfaction. There’s nothing wrong with reminiscing and feeling nostalgic, but the basis of your relationship should be on your feelings at present, not past sentiments or projections of the future.
When there’s no longer any trust
Trust is one of the most basic foundations of a relationship. Once you lack trust between you and your partner, your relationship might show signs of crumbling sooner or later. If you can’t trust your significant other, then how can you expect to build a life with them in the future?
When you begin to consider other options
You might find yourself questioning the prospect of going long-term with your partner. Having occasional doubts is totally normal; interweaving your life with someone else is a serious matter and can change your dynamic in the long run. If, however, these thoughts become more consistent, then you might want to take a step back and think things over. Wondering too often about other alternatives can be indicative of how your current relationship is lacking in what you really want for yourself.
When there are more cons than pros
List down all the pros and cons of your relationship. Do the disadvantages outnumber the advantages by a large margin? If that is the case, then it might be time to break up with your partner once and for all. There’s a degree of sacrifice and compromise in relationships, but if the cons significantly outweigh the pros, then your relationship might be more unhealthy than beneficial for both of you.
When you’re no longer on the same page
Sometimes, it can be inevitable that your life takes on a different direction than what you anticipated. The same can be said about expectations in a relationship. One party might be looking to finally settle down. However, the other person could be working to further their career, so the prospect of starting a family might not be part of their long-term goals just yet.
You and your partner might find yourselves at different places in your lives that are no longer in sync with one another. It’s an inevitable reality that many couples have had to face. As mentioned earlier, relationships call for some compromising from either party. If neither of you is willing to find a middle ground that satisfies both of your needs, then take that as a sign that things are simply not going to work out.
How To Break Up With Someone Amicably
Once you’ve figured out that it is time to break up with someone, then your next move will be to actually cut things off. The reality is that breaking up can be messy and painful. No matter how you go about it, someone is bound to come out hurt from a breakup. This can sometimes be unavoidable regardless of how much you might know how to break up with someone.
Despite all this, it’s still best to come prepared, especially if you’re looking to soften the blow as much as possible. Here are some approaches on how to break up with someone and end things on a relatively good note.
Don’t beat around the bush once you’ve finally managed to muster up enough courage to break things off. The anticipation will be especially agonizing for the other person, so rip off the band-aid and just get things over with. The sooner you get things done, the sooner you and the other person can get started on processing the breakup and healing from it.
Be Firm (But Kind) In Your Decision
It will be crucial for you to make things clear that it’s over for good. Depending on how the other person will react, you might be swayed into changing your decision at the last minute. Make sure not to, as being indecisive can give the other party a false sense of hope. That’s the last thing you want to give them when all you want is to move on. This is why it’s vital that you think things over through and through before coming to a decision. You need to be strict about your choice, both for your sake and your partner’s.
Do It In Person
You don’t want to come off as heartless and impersonal when breaking up with someone. If your future ex was ever as important as you believed them to be, then they deserve a face-to-face confrontation, at the very least. Moreover, breaking up in person will give both of you a better sense of finality and closure regarding the relationship. Calling it quits through text or over the phone is not only insensitive, but it can also be hurtful and damaging on the person being broken up with as well.
Remember The Good Times
One way of approaching how to break up with someone and end things on good terms is to talk about your relationship in a positive light. Looking back on the good times gives the impression that you don’t regret the relationship. Don’t let the bad memories outweigh the good ones. You want to emerge from this experience as better people, so avoid zeroing in on the negatives and instead focus on the good parts of your relationship. Without a doubt, this is one surefire way on how to break up with someone on a positive note.
Make A Clean Break
When you’ve decided to call it quits, make sure that you actually stick to that decision. Go cold turkey on this; don’t ask for a break and don’t ask for some time apart. That’s just a way of dragging things out and avoiding the inevitable. Additionally, it makes you selfish, as it only robs the other person of their chance to process and move on.
Break Up With Them At An Appropriate Location
You’re going to want to do the breakup somewhere private but neutral. Breaking up is something personal and private, so choose a place that isn’t swarming with eavesdropping passersby. Be sure to pick a location that isn’t overly sentimental to either of you as well. You don’t want to tarnish their happy memories of a good place with something as painful as a breakup. Moreover, it will be important to create an environment that is secure for both of you. Breakups can cause tempers and emotions to flare, so be sure to establish a sense of safety that can placate any hostility that may arise.
Break Up With Them The Same Way You’d Like To Be Broken With
Remember the Golden Rule? “Treat other people the way you want to be treated.” This applies to breakups as well. Knowing how to break up with someone the same way you’d like to be broken up with yourself will be a good exercise in empathy and sensitivity.
Breakups can be torturous no matter what, but you don’t have to be heartless about it. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think about how your words and actions might affect them. You’re going to want to behave the way you want to be remembered by the other person. That means being compassionate and considerate, especially with how much you’ve shared with one another.
Hear The Other Person Out
Even though you’re already final about your decision on how to break up with someone, being considerate means giving the other person the opportunity to air their side as well. Once you’ve said your piece, give the other person a chance to express their own sentiments about the breakup. Relationships are a two-way street, so that doesn’t mean mutual respect needs to cease when you’re breaking up with someone.
What To Do After A Breakup
Dealing with a breakup differs from person to person. We all process things differently, so how one individual might cope with a breakup could differ vastly in comparison to someone else. Breakups can hurt, even if you’re the person initiating it in the first place. As such, learning how to cope can be beneficial to anyone just getting out of a relationship. We have a more comprehensive guide on how to get over someone, but if you want some simple tips, here are ways on how to get started with moving on from a breakup.
Cease All Contact
After breaking up with someone, it will be crucial that you distance yourself from them immediately. It might be tempting to reach out and maintain communication with your ex, but doing so will only hinder you from moving on. This is especially when the breakup is still new and fresh.
Maintaining contact won’t be fair to either of you. By cutting things off, you give yourselves a chance to process everything and learn how to live without each other. Maintaining a friendship later down the road can be done, but it has to come from a place of mutual agreement. If you think it might be unhealthy to be friends with your ex, then make it clear as soon as possible that it’s not something in the books for you.
Keep Yourself Busy
There is a multitude of ways to keep yourself preoccupied as a means of healing from a breakup. This is the best time to binge-watch on Netflix or pick up a new hobby, like cooking at home. You can pick out something to lose yourself in from our list of books every man should read in his lifetime as well. Staying busy means keeping your thoughts away from your ex and your previous relationship. This, ultimately, can help you move on while being productive in the process.
Make Plans With Other People
Some guys, especially more extroverted ones, might seek the company of other people as a way of dealing with the aftermath of a breakup. Make plans with your buddies and take your new singlehood as an opportunity to catch up. Not only can this help you stay out of the house more (and thus help you avoid anything that might be reminiscent of your ex), but you’ll also be able to fortify the other relationships you share with important people in your life.
Go On A Social Media Cleanse
Take a hiatus from social media if you need to. Blocking your ex on social media shouldn’t be seen as a drastic move. It’s an efficient way of thoroughly removing them from your life, especially considering how accessible their social media presence can be when you’re on each other’s online platforms.
Make A Change In Your Environment
Changing things around at home can be a good way of refreshing your perspective. This is especially if you and your ex lived together at some point. Rearrange your furniture or bring something new into your home. In changing your environment, you’re decreasing your exposure to any remnant memories of your ex. This can lead to a healthy recovery from a breakup and even minimizes your chance of a relapse.
Don’t Be In A Hurry To Dive Back Into The Dating Pool Just Yet
Reacquaint yourself with solitude. Give yourself some time to re-learn how to be alone and independent. There’s no need to rush into dating, especially if you still haven’t fully moved on from your last relationship.
Let Yourself Grieve
Even if you were the one to break things off, feeling sad after a breakup will be completely normal. While you might know how to break up with someone, learning how to accept your own feelings can be easier said than done. Allow yourself to wallow a bit, and if that means shedding a few tears, by all means, go for it. Don’t let toxic masculinity invalidate your own feelings. Coping is a very personal and subjective process, after all.
However, do not let yourself remain in this sad state for too long. At some point, you need to find the inner strength to pick yourself up again and go on with life. A single breakup shouldn’t define your whole life; there’s still so much to look forward to! To learn some useful ways to help deal with the stress that can come with moving on from a breakup, we have some coping strategies that can hopefully get you in a better state of mind.
Knowing how to break up with someone will take more than just reading up on what the Internet or self-help books have to say. Sometimes, learning how to break up with someone will entail firsthand, real-world experience. Don’t be afraid to get your heart broken, because ultimately, it’s all part of the learning journey in relationships. In the end, the best teacher you can have when navigating breakups will be the personal experiences — and a bit of your own intuition — that you amass over time.
We at MaximOnline do not claim to be professionals when it comes to relationships. You can take our advice as guidance at best. If you feel the need to follow your own instincts, then feel free to do so! Our words might not apply to everyone’s situation, after all. We’re here to help, not dictate your decisions. Good luck!