There is no exact definition of a broken heart. But we’re sure all of us know when we have one. It’s no picnic. It’s almost inevitable. Everybody goes through a broken heart at least once. But if there’s any takeaway from the experience, it’s that it results in a better and stronger you. So read on and learn how to get over someone you’ve given your heart to.
1. Believe that time heals
Clichéd as it may sound, time heals all wounds. Like all wounds, the wounds of the heart when properly cared for and when given enough time will heal perfectly.
But as this is a process of healing, you have to go through the pain, and not around it. When you go around the pain, the tendency is that you will start to feel discouraged. You might even feel that the pain will never go away. Keep in mind that there is no painless way to get over someone. You just have to go through it and come out stronger than before. Remember that this is a process and there is no shorter way.
You might not realize it but after weeks and months of being in “mourning”, everything will be much easier than before. And once you’re done with this stage of learning how to get over someone, move on to the next.
2. Recognize that letting her stay delays the pain
Being in a relationship always gives both parties the feeling of being with the perfect person until one realizes or feels otherwise.
Letting go of someone so special hurts, we know. However, you can never force anyone to stay in a relationship if they’ve already had a change of heart.
While there is a slim chance of you convincing your partner and making them realize they’ve made a mistake, you have to know when to let go. Forcing someone to stay to avoid you from having your heart broken will just delay your pain. If someone thinks they’re with the wrong person, they will still eventually leave.
3. Think of the break-up as a newly opened door
Whatever your reasons are for breaking up, this separation will eventually allow you to meet someone new in the future. It could even be somebody whose personality and traits complement yours perfectly.
Think of this as an open door for more opportunities to meet other people once you’ve gotten over your ex. Don’t rush it but once you’re ready, there’s a chance you’ll meet the girl of your dreams.
4. Never put blame on yourself
Unless you were the cause of the breakup for a mistake like cheating, stop going back and forth, trying to determine what you did wrong because you don’t deserve it.
Breakups are perfectly normal and letting go of someone can take a superhuman effort. The possibility of heartbreak comes with the act of loving and everything that happens will make you a better person in the end.
5. Laugh… and cry
Never be afraid to have a good laugh. And most important, never be scared of crying. Again, it does not make you less of a man to cry. This is one of the best ways on how to get over someone as it releases all your bottled up emotions
Studies show that emotional tears contain toxic biochemical byproducts that you let out when crying.
So, don’t be afraid. If you feel like shedding a tear or two, go ahead, and move on.
6. Accept that the relationship was never perfect
When you are looking back at your just-ended relationship, it’s tempting to reminisce that the relationship and your ex were amazing and perfect.
Just because you cannot easily bring back to mind the imperfections and annoyances in your relationship, does not mean those things did not exist. It is easy to pretend it was perfect but always remind yourself of those imperfections.
Of course, don’t classify it as the worst relationship or partner in the world. A simple acceptance of the flaws would mean that you recognize the relationship, and your ex was never perfect.
It’s step one on the road to healing and will help you move on quicker.
7. Burn social media bridges
Seeing your ex on social media will slow down the healing process as it can trigger unwanted emotions. It could be jealousy, regret, or guilt. Whatever the case, such emotions are not healthy to feel.
It may seem childish, but unfollowing your ex on social media platforms might be a good thing.
Unfriending can be kept as a last resort. Seeing less of your ex on your feed will help you to heal faster.
8. Throw negative thoughts out the window
Once you have started with the healing process, there is no room for negative thoughts in your mind. It will get you nowhere.
If she is currently dating, never wish bad things upon her or the guy she’s meeting. It is easy to lean toward that direction but you shouldn’t.
Instead, go on a different path. Convey positive thoughts. Direct your attention to more pleasing activities. Get a new hobby. Spend time with friends. Give more time to yourself. You can also travel. Do everything positive and never resort to wishing ill-will toward your ex.
9. Find a new hobby
In a nutshell, this means that you have to distract yourself from the break-up.
If you are a painter, go back to painting. If you play the saxophone, go blow that saxophone until you forget your troubles. In summary, do everything that you have a passion for. It could either be work or school, reading or playing music, fill your days with whatever you have been passionate about just to distract you from thinking about your ex.
Chances are you may have ignored these passions and hobbies when you were in a relationship. Think of your single-hood as an opportunity to renew your vows with these passions now that you have more time.
10. Sweat it out
Work out that sadness you’re feeling. You can go for a run, swim, walk, or even box.
While these activities give you instant relief from the emotional pain, the physical activity releases brain chemicals that encourage the growth of nerve cells. Plus, working out your heartbreak releases negativity from your body.
So kick and hit that punching bag numerous times to get those bottled emotions out.
11. Limit your contacts with the ex
Another sure-fire way on how to get over someone is to limit or to stop communicating with them.
Unless there was some unfinished business, you should not be allowed to get in touch with your ex in any way possible.
It may be different when kids are in the picture but if this is the case, limit your contact with your ex to any business that concerns the children.
Getting in touch with your ex can trigger memories and open wounds. It could be the sound of her voice, a mannerism, or even just her laughter. It can remind you of the past and get you to re-process whatever happened, reassess and re-evaluate things which would make things more complicated than they already are.
As much as possible, if there is no reason to get in touch, cut ties, at least until you’re completely sure you’ve moved on.
12. Keep aside every reminder
Get a box, gather everything that reminds you of your ex, and put those mementos locked away in your house until you’ve healed.
Stow these things away and out of sight because the last thing that you need in this time of healing is a reminder of her and your happy days together.
13. Believe in music
It is known how music can lift your mood all the time.
As much as possible, stick to a playlist of songs that does not remind you of heartbreak or the one that got away because these are not going to help you at all. Go for a playlist that lifts your mood.
This is always a sure-fire way to get you through the day.
14. Get a support system
This is extremely useful.
One of the best things to do when going through a heartbreak is to call your friends or family. Talk to people in your life who will listen without judgment. Vent it out, talk about good memories, whine about past mistakes, anything as long as you let out those pent-up emotions. And listen to them as well. They may be able to dispense some good advice on how to get over someone you love.
There is just so much goodness in laying those emotions out there and it always helps that after each talk or phone call, you have unburdened yourself with a portion of your heartbreak.
15. Make new memories in old familiar places
Some places may hold a special significance in your heart.
Never attach memories of your ex to these places because the truth is, you can never get away from these places as long as you are in the same city. Besides, even if you leave and relocate, memories of parks and malls will still bring the same thoughts and open wounds.
Create new memories in these places. Spend time with your family and friends in that theme park where you first met. Or eat out with nephews and nieces at that ice cream parlor where you had a date.
You would never know it but in time, these special places will just be that, places.
16. Enjoy your new-found independence
While letting go of someone can feel bad, look at this break-up as your new independence.
Look at this as the perfect opportunity to spend time with people you have unconsciously ignored while you were in a relationship. You can also focus on yourself and prioritize whatever you feel like doing instead of considering the wishes of your significant other.
17. Read books
The very good thing about reading is that it also diminishes the pain that you’re feeling. There is just so much with books that let you understand the kind of hard phase that you are going through. Understanding why you have to go through such pain shows you more about yourself.
There are numerous self-help books around that touch on how to get over someone and we’re sure your visit to your local bookstore won’t hurt.
18. Talk to yourself
When the pain is too much and thoughts of your ex do not leave your mind when you want it to, talk to yourself. Go in front of the mirror if you must and tell yourself how much of a wonderful person you are. Compliment yourself. There are so many good things higher self-esteem can lead to.
19. Enjoy being single
Make it your new mantra. Being single is not so bad after all.
You get to spend your time wherever you like with whoever you want without any worry about someone getting angry.
You have loads more time to do the things you have always wanted to do. Besides, being single would allow you to step back and reassess what you want in life and in a person.
It’s not so bad after all.
20. Love again
Never close your doors to another person.
Do not rush into it but if the opportunity presents itself, don’t be afraid to love again. Move on. By this time, after all the pain, the realizations, and reassessments, you would already be more confident and sure of the kind of qualities you are looking for in a partner.
Breaking-up hurts. Not just for one party but usually for both.
What you normally deem to be perfect can sometimes end in just a second, at the most unexpected moment. And once you’re hit with heartbreak, you’re usually at a loss as to how to get over someone who was so special to you.
Just understand that there is a process of getting over heartbreak. Avoid rushing it. Accept and overcome. When you’ve recovered, you’ll be good as new or even stronger and better than before.