Whether you’ve already got yourself a girlfriend, or are currently working on asking a girl you like out, it’s undeniable that there’s something nice about feeling wanted. Things can get tricky, however, when you get the feeling she doesn’t want you as much as you want her. If you’re here because you’re worried your girlfriend’s been distant lately, or if you feel there’s more the two of you can do in your relationship, then look no further. Here’s a guide on how to make her miss you.
How to Make Her Miss You with 20 Easy Steps
If you want your girlfriend to miss you, all you have to do is follow these simple steps. Just bear in mind that getting someone to miss you isn’t really your call. But just because it’s not a choice you can make, there are steps you can take to become someone worth missing.
1. Accept That You Can’t Force Her to Miss You
If you’re here because you’ve recently broken up with someone and you’re keen on making them miss you to get them back, then please, stop at this step. On the other hand, if you feel as if your girlfriend hasn’t been giving you the time of day, then continue.
This might be a bit rough, but get the thought that you can make someone miss you crazily without her noticing out of your head. This is nothing short of manipulation, and she will notice. Regardless of how much you love her and regardless of how much she loves you, trying to make people do or feel things against their will can only end in tragedy.
The woman you love deserves better than that.
If you have any respect for her at all, then leave her be. If it feels as if she’s been distant lately or uninterested, then it’s like you’ll have to ask her if something is wrong. It’s important to take note of these slight changes in attitude because perhaps there’s something else she’s dealing with that she doesn’t want to open up about.
If there does turn out to be something, then you can’t force her to tell you all about it. At the very least, you can offer an ear and a shoulder to rest on. If you’re lucky, everything will work itself out.
2. Stop Being Clingy
You’ve probably caught yourself cooking up reasons to text your girlfriend out of the blue. While it’s sweet to check in on her every now and then, it can get annoying very quickly. As mentioned previously, constant communication can potentially be a relationship killer. It’s best to enjoy conversations in moderation so that each one is more meaningful and significant.
But clinginess doesn’t just manifest as wanting to talk and be together all the time. Clinginess has many faces, and all of them are equally hideous. Some men might feel upset or a little broken-hearted when their girlfriend mentions that she’s going out with friends and that they can’t come along.
If you’re one of these men, then it’s time to back off, because these are common signs of clinginess. Dependency is a pitfall many people stumble into, but that doesn’t make it any less exhausting for both parties involved. Deliberately wanting someone to miss you is a sign of clinginess in itself, and as such, it’s important to address such an issue before it becomes a problem.
3. Focus On Yourself
This might be easy to forget, but people don’t have to change the way they live their lives the second they start dating someone. Nobody’s entitled to all of someone’s time, and the same goes for you too. It’s not a good idea to give up things you like and love for a girl you’re dating — though this might be acceptable if what you like and love are actually harmful to your health and safety.
No harm can come from working on yourself, and if anything, it might encourage your girlfriend to appreciate you more since she can see how much effort you’ve been putting into growing and developing as a person.
Dynamic people are interesting, after all, and it’s nice hearing about all the new things your loved ones are working on. While you’re reflecting on yourself, you can stop and think about your girlfriend and what you want out of your relationship.
If you find yourself thinking that you want her to miss you more, then it’s a good idea to stop and reflect on why you feel that way. Is she paying enough attention to you? Do you feel you’re asking for too much attention? Stopping to think if this might end up becoming a problem is a key part of any relationship. Communication is key, even if it means opening up about your insecurities or calling out a partner for problematic behavior.
By reflecting, you can gauge your relationship better and see if there are any problems you want to see addressed. Conversely, some time off for yourself can give both you and your girlfriend to think about what makes the relationship work well and miss one another as a result.
4. Have a Life Outside of Her
It’s nice to have someone who shares a lot of common interests and hobbies. It’s equally nice to have someone who’s willing to give them a go — just for you. However, it is easy to get carried away with trying to get her to like all the things that you like. It’s a common pitfall to try and force your partner into trying out or liking something that you yourself enjoy. If she doesn’t like your hobbies then that’s fine too. Trying to force her into a hobby of yours can potentially do more harm than good.
And there’s honestly nothing wrong with that! It’s always good to have something you can do alone or with your other friends in order to stay in touch with what you want as an individual. It’s not like having a girlfriend makes you an indistinguishable and inseparable part of a two-man team. At the end of the day, your life is your own, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
With that said, it’s important to give her room. Not just for her sake, but your own as well. You have to give her space to miss you, and you need space to grow and develop as an individual. How else are you going to keep her on your toes? How else are you going to stay mysterious, exciting, and downright thrilling to be with if you let yourself stagnate?
So take a break. Even if it means telling your girlfriend you want some time to yourself for a bit. Go and find something new to do to break the monotony. Read a book, make a blog, learn an instrument — you owe yourself that much.
5. Give Her Room to Do Her Own Thing
She’s going to find it hard to miss you if you don’t give her room to breathe. One of the biggest killers of any relationship is the idea that couples simply have to do everything together. In reality, that isn’t the case, and spending too much time together can potentially do more harm than good.
Because of this, it’s a good idea to take a step back and give your girlfriend some room to do what she wants to do — whether she wants to go on a vacation with her friends, some much-needed solo time for herself, or pursue a hobby that she enjoys but you don’t. Your girlfriend is still allowed to grow as a person without you. If that means developing new hobbies and things she’s passionate about, then, by all means, let her.
And if she wants to bring you along and share these new interests with you, then fantastic!
But if not, then don’t sweat it. Everyone’s entitled to their privacy. As nice as the idea of being inseparable sounds, having to go the extra mile to accommodate someone else every time can get exhausting for all parties involved. No matter how much you love each other, there are boundaries that you have to respect.
6. Stop Thinking She Doesn’t Miss You
So what exactly makes you so sure she doesn’t miss you anyway? It’s hard to imagine anyone explicitly stating that they don’t miss their partners. That would be cruel, and unnecessarily so. For those of you who’ve searched up guides on how to make her miss you in the past, then your girlfriend probably hasn’t made her feelings towards you clear.
Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that she doesn’t miss you. In fact, she might miss you just as much as you miss her, however, she’s got so much going on in her life that she doesn’t have as much time or energy to maintain constant communication. Either that, or she’s simply holding back because she wants to avoid looking clingy or desperate for your attention. Either way, everyone has different love languages, and sometimes, you can tell someone you love them without saying it.
Regardless of which, people have things to do and places to be. Whether she’s not available to chat or simply not the type to let you know how she feels all the time, her attitude doesn’t diminish or invalidate her feelings towards you. It’s just a sign that the two of you might need to talk things over and learn each other’s stances on the matter.
If that’s the case, then this next step could come in handy for both of you.
7. Communicate Your Feelings Clearly
Sure, there’s a lot of appeal in playing hard to get, and spending some time away from each other could potentially make her want you more. But being too distant and deliberately encouraging her to chase you could end up being more trouble than it’s worth, and she might just end up going after a man who doesn’t play games like that. It’s best to communicate your intentions and your feelings to avoid unnecessary complications.
Shake off the idea that telling your girlfriend you miss her and want to spend more time with her makes you less of a man. Don’t be afraid to tell her how you feel. While it’s fun wanting to be desired and chased, it’s equally important to let her know how much you really mean to her.
This doesn’t mean you should unload everything right off the get-go. Just like playing hard to get, it’s easy to go overboard with being too affectionate as well. Relationships require commitment, and you have to love one another for one to work out. If you want to be missed, sometimes you’ll have to take initiative and tell her that you miss her first.
Wanting to be desired is natural in any relationship. Don’t let your girlfriend take initiative all the time, otherwise, she’ll likely feel as if all the effort in the relationship is one-sided.
8. Be Less Available and More Independent
It’s easy to misinterpret “being less available” as deliberately making yourself scarce. You might have thought about turning down her requests to hang out to make her want you more.
For those of you who have considered this, please don’t do this.
Another way to phrase this would be to stop fussing over your girlfriend too much. Making yourself constantly available to her every need does more harm than good. It might sound romantic at first, dedicating so much time and attention to another person. But that’s no way to live. It can get exhausting quickly, and being overly accessible just gives people more room to take your presence for granted. It’s hard to miss someone who’s willing to bend over backward for you.
Though it isn’t necessarily a bad thing to draw joy from being there for other people, it is possible to be there for them in excess. If you want to make her miss you crazily without her noticing, as the title of the guide implies, then all you have to do is back off and gain your happiness and self-worth from other sources.
And no, this doesn’t mean picking up new hobbies for her sake. Sure, your girlfriend could make you happy and proud of yourself, but it’s important to find other things that make you happy and proud too.
The happier you are on your own, the more you’ll appreciate the happiness you feel when you spend time with her.
9. Avoid Idle and Constant Chit-Chat
Everyone says that a lack of communication is capable of killing any relationship, but the inverse is also true: where communication is so constant and banal that the value of your conversations erodes to nothing more than a chore — a tedious requirement.
This doesn’t mean that small talk is inherently bad. It feels great receiving regular messages from someone you love. However, like all things, having too much small talk can only do more harm than good. Having someone constantly communicate their desire to talk to you and receive regular updates throughout the day can be irritating. People are busy. People have lives to live. It becomes a problem when all the talks you have with her consist of small talk. Instead, ask your girlfriend some deep questions that tell her that you genuinely want to get to know her more.
Despite this, it’s important to say that this isn’t a universal experience. Some couples might actually enjoy constant communication and there’s nothing wrong with that! As a general rule of thumb, it’s best to find someone on the same wavelength as you with regards to how often you want to talk to one another.
If you don’t like constant communication, then date someone who feels the same way! Conversely, if you’re the sort of person who likes chatting the day away with someone you love, then date someone who shares the sentiment.
10. Know When to Check On Her
It’s hard to miss someone who’s always messaging you, but it’s even harder to miss someone who doesn’t make an effort to stay in contact. If you want her to notice your absence and appreciate you more, then you have to find the sweet spot between too much attention and too little. If you want to know how to make a woman miss you, then you keep up with her. Let her know when you’re thinking of her, but not often enough that it looks like you can’t think of anything or anyone else. Just ask her what she’s up to every now and then to show interest.
11. Let Her Know You’re There For Her
It’s alright to let her know you miss her, and that you’re here for her. In fact, it might even make her smile. Just bear in mind that there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed, and it is possible to come across as too needy or overbearing. It’s important to let her know that you’re here for her — especially after a fight.
With that said, if you want to learn how to make her miss you after a fight, then let her know that there’s no bad blood between the two of you. When it comes to relationships, many couples often see fights as a deeply personal conflict between one partner and the other. The problem shouldn’t be between two people. Instead, the problem should be something two people work together to overcome.
In this case, if the problem is a difference in politics, philosophy, or simply what the two of you want out of a relationship, then it’s important to let her know that you’re still on her side. The two of you will just have to reach a compromise or hash things out. Save breakups for when a relationship truly can’t be salvaged, and when you know for a fact that the two of you will be worse off after getting together.
12. Respect Her Time and Her Wishes
If a girl asks for some time to herself, then your first instinct shouldn’t be to try and figure out how to make her miss you when she wants space. Instead of thinking of ways to get her attention when she’s busy, think of ways to keep yourself busy. Odds are, she misses you anyway but needs some time off to sort things out on her end. Whether she’s trying to make sense of her own feelings or enjoy some much-needed alone time is irrelevant.
If she asks for space, give it to her. In the meantime, you can focus on your own goals and interests. You can hang out with your friends, or indulge yourself in some of your hobbies. You could even try and pick up new skills or work on new projects to keep yourself occupied. Eventually, she’ll come to miss you and she won’t hesitate to let you know. Why wouldn’t she miss someone who respects her feelings and requests?
13. Know When to Cut Your Losses
If you’re trying to learn how to make her miss you after a breakup, then it’s strongly recommended you cut that out at once. If it’s over, then it’s over. It doesn’t matter if you broke up with her, or if she broke up with you. Once a relationship is done, you have to move on.
Take note that this might not always be the case. If you broke up with her and are starting to regret it, be upfront with your feelings and ask her if she’s interested in getting back together. There’s no use playing games to try and make her want you back. Honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships.
If your girlfriend won’t accept you for who you are, or if there are simply too many conflicts of interest with regards to what the two of you want out of the relationship, then you can break it off on a good note. No matter how much effort you expend into improving yourself and improving your relationship with her, it won’t matter if she isn’t willing to commit just as much as you are.
If she broke up with you, however, then there’s nothing you can do from this point onwards. In the event that you’re still in love with her and want her back, then all you can do is wait for her to reconsider and ask to get back together. The odds of that happening are slim, however, so you’re better off moving on.
14. Put Your Phone Down
As for the men out there with partners living abroad and out of reach, perhaps you’re interested in learning how to make her miss you in a long-distance relationship. Odds are she misses you enough already, but if she’s mentioned that you’ve been too clingy in the past, then you should take a step back. No girlfriend will ever get upset with you for being available to chat, but she will get upset if you don’t have a life outside of her.
Even if you’re dating long distance, she’s not going anywhere. You don’t have to worry about her every moment of the day. Just let her know that you’re there for her, check in on her every now and then, and go about your day as normal.
15. Experiment With Your Looks
It doesn’t hurt to mix things up every now and then. After all, people are dynamic creatures. It’d be a waste if our tastes and our appearances remained the same forever, so why not experiment and try out new looks?
Take note that this step is useless if you’re mixing your look to suit her tastes. You should only really consider this step if you believe it’s time to find a new aesthetic. Whether this means cutting your hair, growing out your beard, or trying new kinds of clothing out is up to you.
If your girlfriend sees that you’re trying out new things, then who knows? She might find the new you more attractive than she did before. If she digs the new looks, then great! If not, that’s fine. You’re doing this for yourself anyway, and if you want second opinions, you could always ask her for input.
16. Make Unforgettable Memories With Her
Romantic dinners and walks in the park are lovely date ideas, but every now and then, you’re going to have to mix things up a little to keep the romance alive. For something to be memorable, it has to stand out. When it comes to dates, this means trying something novel together — something that will really stick with her, and something she can recall fondly to her friends and family.
You could go ice skating, or hiking in the wilderness together. If she’d prefer to have dates at home, then make a pillow fort and marathon your favorite series. You could even have a simple heart-to-heart under the stars, gazing up at the sky as the two of you lie on the roof until sunrise. The bottom line is, that you have to give her novel experiences if you want your time together to be memorable.
17. Give Her Gifts You Know She’ll Like
Odds are, your girlfriend’s already got something of yours. Whether it’s a book you’ve lent her or a jacket you’ve left behind at her place, it’s very likely that she has something that belongs to you. Normally, that’s more than enough to get her to miss you as simply holding it, smelling it, or remembering where it’s from is enough to remind her of you.
But that doesn’t mean you can get complacent. If you see something that reminds you of her, like an accessory you know she’ll love, then don’t hesitate! If you have enough money, get it for her to show her you’re still invested. You could even send her songs that you think she’ll like, or show her a movie that’s got all of her favorite story beats.
18. Cherish Your Time With Her More
For those of you who wish to learn how to make her miss you and want you back, then one thing you should learn is how you can’t force someone to miss you. It’s an effort in futility and you can’t make anyone feel anything. Instead, just focus on having as much fun as possible with her. You don’t have to do anything spontaneous, even though it doesn’t hurt. You don’t even have to do anything out of the ordinary. All you have to do is be yourself, be present for her, and put in the effort to show her you care.
19. Surprise Her
It’s hard to think of a better way to show her how much you mean to her by surprising her with a romantic gesture, an invitation to a date, and in some cases, a surprise visit. Who knows? If you’re lucky, it’ll entice her to do the same. Gestures of affection can be reciprocated after all.
Take note, however, that some people aren’t very fond of surprises and might react negatively. Try and gauge your girlfriend’s stance towards surprises so you don’t accidentally put her on the spot or make her uncomfortable.
20. Be Someone Worth Missing
If you want your girlfriend to miss you, then you have to make sure you’re someone worth missing. This might sound like an ordeal. But all these means is you have to play a big part in her life. If you’re already dating, then this shouldn’t be too difficult.
Just make sure you give her the attention she deserves and occasionally mix things up with some novel experiences. While being constant and reliable is nice, you have to keep someone on their toes. Especially if you want to keep your relationship fresh and interesting. This doesn’t mean taking it too far and surprising her at every turn. Instead, surprise her often enough to spice up an already-steady and safe dynamic. Trying a little too hard could have the opposite effect. Being unpredictable makes it difficult for someone to invest in you.
Likewise, you should never. Ever. Pretend to be someone else to win your girlfriend’s approval. Not only are you lying to her, but you are also lying to yourself. By playing a character, or worse, an overly-idealized version of yourself, she’ll end up missing your façade more than you.
Instead of actively trying to get her attention, it’s better to show off some of your best attributes — ones that come naturally to you, like being funny and having a sense of humor, or remembering the little details that she shares with you. Even then, you’ll never realize what these attributes of yours are, so it’s best to just do things the way you’d do them normally.
How to Make Her Miss You: The Big Takeaway
Deliberately trying to make a girl miss you will never work, so instead, you need to focus on becoming someone who’s worth missing. Never be afraid to be yourself, and never apologize for it. If your girlfriend ends up leaving you because of something you’re proud of or beyond your control, then you’re better off being with someone else. The right woman would show signs that she loves you, and best of all appreciates you, for who you are. So don’t follow all these steps for her sake. Follow them for your own.