For those of us out there who’ve considered tying the knot, you’ve probably asked yourself that same old question over and over again. Should I propose before or after dinner?
If that’s the case, then you’re in luck. There are many benefits and complications that come with either option, so you’ll need to weigh them out for yourself before deciding which one you want to follow through with.
In the meantime, it’s best to do a quick review to make sure we’re not rushing into things without an inkling of what we’re supposed to do. With that said, let’s take things slow and start with the basics.
The Dos and Don’ts of Proposing
Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash
While proposing is seen as a necessary step by many couples, there’s no denying that it’s significantly harder to do than it looks. Before you should consider whether or not you should propose before or after dinner, you have to know how to propose. Getting down on one knee and asking the person you love to stay with you for the rest of your life sounds simple enough, but there are simply so many variables that you have to take into account. In other words, there are more things to worry about.
Another big factor to consider is making sure your proposal ages well. The best way to ensure this is to tailor your proposal to fit the relationship you have with your partner. Find something the two of you enjoy — find a way to make it personal and unique compared to everyone else’s.
Similarly, it’d be a big mistake to have your proposal modeled after a trend or a fad. Odds are, it won’t age as well as you’d think and you might regret basing your once-in-a-lifetime proposal after something multiple other people have done. Proposing at a pop-up place or a restaurant that likely won’t be around for long is another huge mistake. The place you plan on proposing should be someplace special, and someplace with a lot of longevity so that you and your spouse can return in the future.
On the other hand, there are pitfalls that must be avoided. The first of these is proposing without discussing the possibility of marriage with your partner first. Sure, there’s a lot of appeal in surprising them with a ring and spontaneously asking them to marry you. But let’s face it — it saves the two of you a lot of trouble and a lot of pressure if you got the answer beforehand.
Now, this doesn’t mean the surprise is gone. All it means is you’ll know for certain that they’ll say yes if you do propose. The actual execution of the proposal is still a mystery. In fact, this could even open up the grounds for them to propose to you. There’s a lot more to lose by shooting in the dark, so it’s best to discuss marriage with them before locking yourselves to a lifelong commitment.
The final pitfall, and one of the biggest, is sweating the small stuff. It’s possible to lose yourself to the planning phase, focusing too much on the bigger picture that you forget about the little pictures. For instance, you could accidentally prioritize making sure conditions for the proposal are perfect that you forget to consider the possibility of bad weather or plans being abruptly canceled. Similarly, you could focus on your partner to the point that you forget about yourself, neglecting to wear nice clothes or fixing yourself up before you get down on one knee.
At the end of the day, it’s up to you to find a way to propose that speaks volumes of your relationship with her. Whether you propose before or after dinner, or in public or in private, is something that can only be determined by you and the person you love.
With that said, let’s recap all the things you should and shouldn’t do when it comes to popping the big question.
Do…
- Make sure you’re ready by knowing how you plan to deliver the ring.
- Confirm that your partner will say yes if you propose.
- Personalize your proposal by tailoring it to fit your relationship.
- Be flexible and be ready to make adjustments to your plans
- Get a gauge on whether or not the proposal should be done in public.
Don’t…
- Propose without any prior discussion or consideration for your partner.
- Go for a trendy or contemporary proposal that probably won’t age well.
- Forget to make yourself look good before popping the big question.
- Focus on making everything perfect — whether it’s for you or for her.
When is the Best Time to Propose?
Photo by Caleb Oquendo on Pexels
Right now, you’re probably asking: “how will I know when it’s the right time to propose?”. It’s likely you’ve considered it before: after a romantic dinner for two; in a party surrounded by family members, loved ones, and others; and possibly even on Valentine’s Day after a lovely date. Let’s not even get started on potential internal debates you’ve had over whether or not you should propose before or after dinner.
The truth is, there’s no best time to propose. The only person who can really answer this question is you. Do you feel it’s the best time? Are you ready to spend the rest of your life with this person? These are all important questions worth asking yourself before you propose marriage.
If not, you’re better off keeping those engagement rings on hold for now. There’s no harm in waiting a little longer to see if your partner really is “the one”. After all, marriage is a serious commitment and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly — especially if either of you are still curious about dating other people.
But if you’re ready to take the next step in your relationship, try and gauge what day would be best to have your proposal. If all goes well, that day will become a special one for years to come. There’s no harm in proposing during special events like Valentine’s Day, Halloween, or even Christmas, but it’s strongly recommended to choose a day that has nothing to do with those things as it’ll diminish the potential celebrations you could have.
After all, wouldn’t it be nice to have a special, personalized occasion to commemorate the day you proposed without having to share the spotlight with a universally-loved holiday?
The Pros and Cons of Proposing Before Dinner
Photo by Andre Jackson on Unsplash
One of the best parts of proposing before dinner is how you’ll be able to enjoy your meal without any extra pressure. Since you’ve already popped the big question, it becomes infinitely easier to sit back and enjoy a meal with someone you love. Had you chosen to wait, would you really be able to eat your food in peace? It would be difficult to carry a proper conversation without fidgeting and growing nervous.
Proposing before dinner also makes the ensuing meal that much more memorable, especially since the two of you can treat it as a celebratory date to commemorate the night you proposed. Making memories is an important part of any relationship, and just because the two of you are slated to get married doesn’t mean this has to stop.
In fact, where you choose to eat after this could potentially affect your relationship from here on out. The restaurant you choose will become significantly more meaningful to you and your wife-to-be. Because of this, it’s important to consider where you want to propose. It’s likely you’ll end up choosing some fine dining restaurant, but a place with sentimental value such as her favorite restaurant could also work.
The only kicker is it might be difficult to enjoy the food since you and your spouse-to-be will be a little too over the moon to pay attention to anything other than each other. While it might make for an incredibly memorable evening, the food will be forced to take a backseat. Things might also go terribly in the event that they say no, and this could lead to the cancellation of dinner — unless the two of you would be willing to share an awkward candlelit dinner together.
Another complication includes the possibility of drawing unwanted attention. Proposing right before a meal at the restaurant could cause onlookers to cheer and congratulate you. While some couples might be alright with the attention, or perhaps even welcome it, it would be best to discuss the topic of public proposals with your partner beforehand.
Now that we’ve got that all out of the way, it’s time to lay them out.
Pros and Cons
Pros
- You can enjoy your meal without any further distractions since the hard part’s already over and done with.
- Make memories for the both of you by having a celebratory dinner to commemorate the night they said yes.
- You won’t have to deal with being nervous or anxious since you’ll be getting their answer to your question before dinner.
- If they say yes, you can host a special dinner event and invite all your loved ones.
Cons
- If you propose in a restaurant, you can potentially draw a lot of unwanted attention.
- It’ll be more difficult to focus on the food since your mind will be elsewhere.
- If they say no, it’s likely you’ll have to call dinner off or worse — enjoy a terribly awkward meal together.
The Pros and Cons of Proposing After Dinner
Photo by cottonbro on Pexels
You’ve already considered proposing before dinner, but what about after? One of the biggest pros to proposing after or during is the fun you can have executing it.
Over dinner, people have a lot more room to experiment with how they handle their engagement rings. For instance, you could have the waiter deliver the ring box. Or you could hide the ring inside drinks or a cake. You could even have a specially-made menu printed to catch your spouse-to-be off-guard. It’d be fun having the options in the menu form subliminal sentences asking them to marry you, wouldn’t it?
With all these options, it’s easy to imagine the memories you could make and the fun you could have proposing.
However, proposing during the meal will definitely draw attention. As mentioned previously, this could be a good thing or a bad thing. This ultimately depends on what sort of couple you are. The bottom line is, grand public gestures will garner looks and even congratulations from strangers.
Despite this, proposing after dinner doesn’t necessarily mean you have to propose at the restaurant. This also means you get the option of taking her somewhere nice and private outside of the restaurant. This could be a place with sentimental value to you before popping the big question. With the two of you alone, your proposal makes for a significantly more intimate experience — the dinner only being the setup.
On the other hand, having to hold on to the ring, or having to wait in anticipation to pop the big question, has its own downsides. It’ll be hard to focus on anything else. If you’re the nervous type, this could be especially troublesome.
You’ll be holding onto that ring all throughout dinner, and you might end up fussing over making sure circumstances are perfect which will ultimately make you miss out on what could be a lovely romantic dinner. It’ll be hard to take notice of the food you’re eating when all you can think about is how you’re going to ask her to marry you.
Even then, once you finally get down on one knee, it’s likely you’ll want to hurry up and finish dinner. This could mean skipping other plans like dessert and other post-date activities to spend an unforgettable night with one another. While this sounds sweet and romantic, this does get in the way of dinner plans.
With all the pros and cons laid out, let’s review them one last time.
Pros and Cons
Pros
- If they say no, you can pay the bill and leave without any further complications.
- You get to enjoy a lovely meal first and make some memories before your proposal.
- After dinner, you can take her someplace nice and private to propose, making for a more intimate experience.
- You have more room to experiment with fun and memorable ways to propose.
Cons
- You’ll be holding onto that ring all throughout dinner. It might distract you.
- If you propose in public, you could draw a lot of unwanted attention.
- It’ll be hard to focus on anything else after proposing. This might mean skipping dessert and other plans.
Should I Propose Before or After Dinner?
By now, you’ve likely given serious consideration to whether you should propose before or after dinner. As mentioned before, only you and your partner have the final say when it comes to your relationship. Ultimately, it’s your call whether you should propose before or during a lovely candlelit dinner, or afterward someplace private.
If all goes well and your partner accepts, then fantastic! Either way, the two of you have got a long and exciting road ahead of you. It’s best to prepare for the lifelong adventure that follows marriage and become the best possible version of you you can be.
